Not Gender specific

Saturday, April 25, 2009
Family traits are the same all over the World

Dear Lolyn, Your posts have stirred up the nasties in my family of origin.

Thank you.
We know it will now take time and not bandaids to heal.

Thank you for providing the resourses!
Re: Our Precious, beloved Mother


The only thing you can do is distance yourself emotionally. You can't do anything about it, so there is no need to spend precious emotional energy worrying about it. I am very pleasant to D and J when I see them, and sincerely so, but I certainly don't circulate in their family circle. I just can't stand D pretending the tension is coming from elsewhere.

You also have to realize that Mother creates her own stress by being so stubborn that she doesn't want anyone to help her, especially from D's wife. I get those words from Mother's mouth, this is NOT an assumption. Between that and her intense need to not feel like she is offending or depending on someone, she creates much of it.

Just remember, D betrayed and yes, cheated sister, and yes used her as his pawn for his own gain.

She had worked hard to find internally that she doesn't not have to be eaten up by something that is not her fault. She is healing body and soul. That does not negate D's culpability, but since he recognizes none, and will do nothing to heal himself, none of us can help him either.
Just believe that sister is doing very well. Just discount D 's, "well sister is very mentally ill." She know that. D is currently much, much sicker mentally than she is, but he doesn't know it, and refuses to know it. Just because that is what is it, is no reason for the rest of us to carry it, most especially Mother.

Just remember, D loves to be kind and generous, but unfortunately, he has a long history of taking someone else down with him as collateral damage to him do-good efforts.

I know my note was harsh. It was also true and the truth can be very hard when one doesn't want to hear it. I believe Lamen and Lemuel said that themselves when being called to task.

Dear sister

I have been watching this develop -- from here, as they both e-mail me about
it quite often.

My heart is broken about it, and I don't have any idea what I can do for
them.

your brother



Subject: Our Precious, beloved Mother


D&J,
I don't know what the deal is, but once again I was forwarded one of the
nastiest, disrespectful emails from one of your kids.
I don't know why they were taught to hate our sister, but they hate her with a
vengence that I have never seen before. I asked sister not to forward any
more to me because it literally makes me sick to my stomach.

They say the most outrageous, degrading things imaginable, show disrespect
to everyone in the family, including you two as part of the Jacobs siblings.
They have scolded and berated everything. I suppose they believe everything
they hear and since they have nothing to balance it with, thus they are so
biased they have no more sense than to broil in hatred.

Sister sent some research information to everyone, as she does. Anyone is
free to read or ignore, there are no strings attached, but she got some very
ugly responses as if she was up to something. I certainly don't have time to
read all she posts, even though we email each other multiple times a day.

Our Sister has followed your wishes, per your written email, to cut you out of
all personal, family and business dealings. As far as I know, you have never
recinded that demand. Mother did not know about your written damand until
today. Now she has a better understanding of sister's actions. She actually
thought it was her daughter who was being contentious. I told her no, not so she
was only following D's wishes. She wouldn't have gone at that time if
she had known Mother had company.

I advised her to block all email from your family (she already had). I also
advised her to not share anything else with your family, it obviously is not
appreciated.

Somehow it's, according to your son, "an underhanded way of. . . .; you have
the logo "growing together" when you are the example of the exact opposite
of that," etc. is the essence of what he said.
Why would she throw pearls before swine?

The reason Mother wanted to move away from her apartment in D's home?

Mother can't stand the stress and
contention in your home and the contempt that is shown to her daughter.

Mother is so afraid to offend Jean that it keeps her guts in an uproar.

She has tried to help on the yard, but is so afraid her daughter-in-law will scold her about pulling out a weed that she can't even enjoy that any more.
That's only one of many examples.
I had a very serious, long heart to heart with Mother today about it and was
able to fill in some of the missing information.

Mother always said it takes two to fight, but apparently not so.

The other day, Our sister was trying to talk to Mother,
who can't hear her as it is,
and apparently in a misguided effort to make everything all smiley
and pretend that who knows what?
you two kept interrupting and disturbing the conversation.
Sister considered you non-entities because that was your written
demand previously, so she treated you as such.

You can't wave a wand and make it OK.

Despite some good things you have done for her in the past, You have
damaged our Sister very seriously.

The betrayal she has endured and has now come to peace with in her own mind,
despite no true apology ever from you, is unimaginable.

She has worked hard to make sense of it all.
She has one-sided, for herself been able to work
through years of suffering to have some peace in her life.

She has worked extremely hard to do this, and is now enjoying the rewards of
peace of mind as well as a healing body.

She believes that to hate someone
who has wronged you only hurts yourself and does nothing to help or reform
the other person.

She is protecting herself in a newly found mental and
physical freedom that is amazing.

Despite everything she is well, happy and thriving!

I couldn't be more thrilled about it.

Mother needs to be allowed to see that too.

I stepped in last year was when I could no longer stand to see what you were
doing to her, all the lies, deception, illegal activity, fraudulent
mortgage, the double talk to me, the inability to account for your billing
to her name in any thing close to an itemized list, the outrageous charges
on the bill, the going back on your agreement about her house and then
turning her house and expecting her to pay for it, then leaving her house in
a shambles anyway is beyond me.

I couldn't sit and watch more of it.

She had to have that signed document to protect herself from future attacks.

By the way, get her the patio door you charged her for. For $600 it should
be factory new, not a piece of unmatching trash.

Now she has a person who is doing all the long put off needed repairs and
upgrades that were necessary, but never done, even to making it meet safety
code.

I have no idea what idiot inspected it, but anyone in the world knows
you have a door between the furnace and any sleeping area.

She now has brought that up to code, along with other things.

Am I angry? No. I'm just sick about the attitudes and the pretense.

The rest of us are doing great, but you keep it stirred with your continued
rejection of our little sister and fueling your children's hatred of her.

My kids don't hate you.
Sister's kids don't hate you, but your kids hate her and anything
she says or does, with a vengence.

The thing that makes me sickest is what Mother is suffering in your house.
She is convinced she will get sick and die next year if it does not stop.

Good grief, betrayal was enough, but to ban her from your life in all
aspects and THEN try to make it look like she is the one who is resentful,
etc.

That is a nasty game.

Stop stressing Mother or she will have absolutely no choice to move over to
assisted liveing to save her life!

There is no contention between any siblings except yourself and yourself.
No response is needed. I won't bother to read it anyway.

I am so done with all the crap and poison.

I would certainly hope you wouldn't be tacky enough to share these private
feelings with your children, but if you do, make sure they know that it is
none of their business and that you have betrayed a trust and thrust
unwanted crap on the by your own volition, not from anyone else.


I apologize to our mutual siblings for feeling compelled to write this.

More sincerely than you can even imagine, your other sister that
your have hated for years.

Dear youngest sibling;

If you only knew how many letters I have received that match yours. The world is full of hate filled families that go back generations. Families attempting to hide the mental illness under the rug in full sight in the living room.
What if we replaced the words coronary disease, or diabetis which are also DNA based inherited diseases for the words Mental Health disorder. Would there be so much anger, so much denial, so much family bickering about who is sicker than the others. No there would be an all out rush to read the web sights that give information on how to prevent, cure and wipe out those diseases. Why in God's name are we so afraid to say, yea our family inherited this vile disease, it is not just Auntie that has it it is all of us and if we don't do something our children will destroy their lives and our Grand children will suffer amazingly tortured existances on this earth.

Make it go away. You can and because you can you are responsible. God will smite you if you do not.

If you don't want to read my blog, Lickin' and Groomin' Read the original research on psychoeducation.org. Read something. Do something. Save your kids. Produce non bipolar grandkids. Dont stay in denial. You will be judged accordingly.
Posted by LoLyn at 10:39 AM

Little sister point of view

Dear LoLyn:

I don't know if I sent you this one; I found it in my draft file. After I wrote it I called mother and asked her about it. She called me back a couple of days later and said she did remember that one because of the broken window. It happened so often she could not remember details on all of them.

But she said the boys were fighting and Daddy was trying to stop them, but gave up and let them fight it out on the lawn after they went through the window. She said another time they let them fight it out was the last time; they ended up nearly killing each other, then hugging and didn't fight again.

I have another memory that fits in that time period; I never associated the two before just now when I was talking about it to Steven.

I was in my little blue school dress with the peter pan collar, standing in the door way, hiding behind the frame watching in horror as Daddy kicked and pummeled and stomped on my two brothers, swearing and screaming at them. They all three ended up going through the large glass window wall onto the porch and continued scrambling and kicking and hitting and swearing. I stood frozen. I've always thought it was my fear he would turn on me.

I wonder if I told on the boys and Daddy went whacko and I blamed myself sd my brother had done? Oh, my God; what if he had killed one of them and gone to jail too. I would not have had that kind of resiliency. I would have been schizo for life.

I called mother and she said that happened a lot. (Daddy stomping and kicking he boys) She never knew what triggered Daddy's manic abuse rampages, but he never hit her or us.

When I was in fourth grade this brother had my teacher for early morning seminary and hated him. I liked him and said, "I don't know why my brother hates you, I like you." of course he talked to this brother and after school he cursed me and I thought he was going to hit me.

In high school this same brother was home from the Navy and I told a vampire joke that I still think is funny but he took it sexually and screamed at me to go to my room. It took me years to understand how he understood it, but even so it was way over board reaction.

Thank you for letting me vent
no longer "little victimized sister"